Day 1

I decided to just go ahead on Feb 28 and just start the Hunger Strike. I knew WHY i was doing this…and I know what I want to achieve. While I feel so bleeping useless and as if this is futile….doing alone in the apt without being able to BE VISIBLE to have the desired effect–it occurred to me that JUST STARTING would be the best way to go …even as I try to find other impactful ways to continue. Better to start and put the rest together as I go…than to just give up (not sure I’m making sense)…..

o let me be clear (as possible) as to the reasons for this action: the horrific steps being taken by the Trump administration to undo so many of the protections…safeties and safety net(s) put in place since the time of Franklin D Roosevelt…to protect the people during times of scarcity or crisis.

We have had in place–strengthened or weakened by successive generations of leaders (depending on their ideological bent and their beliefs as to their duties (or lack thereof) , some very basic safeties, among them food stamps and healthcare options for the poorest among us. Unlike many other countries in the western world, we do NOT provide much beyond that for only the poorest among us, expecting the ‘free market’ and employers to provide the rest. I believed that….should one hit truly hard times…there was some safety that would kick in. Until recently I believed that–in some form….to some degree–these safeties would stay in place, as many of our citizens depend on them….HAVE PAID INTO THEM (ESP the least financially secure among us) and HAVE EARNED THEM. They were the compact created between our capitalist-leaning government and the people…our part of the bargain in which we have surrendered various securities and comforts offered in a more socialist leaning govt.

I should have known better. Already starting with R Reagan and his lies about ‘welfare queens’–using the rare case of someone able to ‘get over’ on the system to justify cuts to untold numbers of folks needing these basic services JUST TO SURVIVE–successive Republican administrations (or as I like to call ‘Rethuglican’) have cut and cut the ‘safety’ net until it is no more than tattered strings onto which desperate people hang in hopes of not falling entirely into the abyss. Until we are today struggling to have the govt even acknowledge the harm done to the majority of the citizens (‘the 99%) by the 1%–and now even the 1/10 of 1% as fewer and fewer among us have any sense of security at all–with most only a paycheck away from utter ruin.

I have tried to find various ways to take action and make a difference–both in my personal and my professional life. But increasingly it feels as if nothing makes any real difference. The forces against the average people seem increasingly to move against not just getting ahead but even GETTING BY. Its like trying to bail out the ocean with a thimble.

And so i decided to do the only thing I could think of to do RIGHT NOW: to undertake a hunger strike. I wanted to do this on the steps of the Capitol Building, where congresspeople would have to walk past me and SEE ME…with a couple of signs and my cane. To have to face each day what their actions (or lack thereof) are doing to so many of their constituents.

But circumstances made this very difficult: I had given up my employment to take a dream job out of state–but then found myself struggling w/ physical symptoms and mobility / balance issues which I could not understand (I wrongly chalked them up to stress). And I learned that physical symptoms I was experiencing and assumed (making walking and balance difficult and impacting my memory and cognitive abilities) were the result of stress related to the multiple losses in my life were in fact the result of a head injury i had unknowingly sustained following a fall down a flight of soapy subway stairs. The two together made it unworkable for me to travel to DC.

I was going to give up. But then I was reminded how so many these days are communicating when unable to get together–and i started to think about creating a website or writing a blog. as I am a technophobe and a bit of a moron in this area, it took me quite a while (til now) to put this in place. BUT HERE I AM.

SO HERE GOES:

Friday, February 28 was Day 1 of the Hunger Strike

Since I didn’t know how to blog or even where to begin…I just started to keep record on my phone. Because I’ve been so frustrated and angry at the lack of action undertaken by our elected officials who keep bowing down to Trump…showing such obsequious behaviour that I keep wondering WHAT THE BLEEP IS GOING ON???

The Rethugs appear utterly at war with the people and any sense of democracy. and the Dems appear to have ‘surrendered in advance’ (as those studying fascism have observed happens as countries move away from democratic norms). I have called and emailed our supposed representatives and senators…to no avail.

SO….I began to do the only thing I could think to do: take action on my own. I tried to come up with a catchy name (‘Defend Democracy’ to start…but it needed more). I also started to design signs in my head (to put near me as I sat in Hunger Strike), from ‘Defend Democracy,’ ‘Protesting Thug Diplomacy’ , ‘Stop the Cuts’. I also wanted to add something for Ukraine, as what we are watching happen to Ukraine–and what Trump is enabling and encouraging in his buddy-buddy stance w/ Putin is assisting in the destruction of Ukraine and the frantic work Zelynskyy is doing to hold his country together. It all seems part and parcel of the work to destroy democracy…cow the people and shove us headlong into autocracy.

I had read in one book…the subtitle Trump ‘destroys and he touches’…but that’s not mine.

So here I am with ‘DumpTrumpValues’

Did you know that Medicaid cuts impact the lives of 72 MILLION people? So many folks have now fallen through the cracks in our economy built to succor the rich at the expense of everyone else that SUCH A LARGE PERCENTAGE of our country now relies upon medicaid, medicare and foodstamps just to get by.

Also…as more and more are being immiserated by all the cuts….and more become desperate and afraid….folks begin to turn on one another. Rather than all of us LOOKING UP to see how the 1 percent and the ultra wealthy are running off with all the resources and leaving the rest of us to fight for the crumbs, we are encouraged to fight one another: immigrants vs native born, white vs people of color, folks of different backgrounds and capabilities/strengths. BECAUSE IF they KEEP US FIGHTING ONE ANOTHER AND BLAMING ONE ANOTHER they hope WE WON’T LOOK UP TO SEE WHO’S REALLY CAUSING THE DAMAGE.

So to me this action is first to protest the cuts and their effects on the most vulnerable. BUT TO ME this must also include awareness of and fighting for the most vulnerable among us….above and beyond the horrific budget cuts. And this includes (but is not limited to) the most vulnerable: ‘minorities’ (who together would now more accurately be called the ‘majority/minority’ or ‘minority/majority’ as they together comprise a larger percentage of the population. The disabled, they very young and the elderly, the LGBTQ+ population.

Day 2

silence

Day 3 Sunday March 2

Began to build on the idea of starting a blog….gathered some info and began to think about how to go about this. But so many still swirling around in my head…along with how to go about this whole action….how to have an impact even as I could not at this point go to DC.

Day 4 Monday March 3 also more in silence…while continuing to search blog and websites.

(as I also was not thinking at the time of posting this…most of my thoughts were around managing the experience and future political actions as I could not get to DC)

Day 5 – TUES March 4

Hunger Strike Day 5

Looking at all the political occurrences ….including our utter betrayal of V Zolynskyy and Ukraine (I was having many thoughts of all the above…but not yet considering blogging…and so did not keep track)

I found myself increasingly upset again at our willingness to stomp on those most vulnerable among us–both in this country and at large. While once we CLAIMED TO consider ourselves to be committed to) to champion those being screwed or attacked… we now OPENLY and apparently w/ few qualms put our lot in with the attacker ….with Trump vilifying Ukraine and its leader Mr V Zelenskyy while elevating PUTIN (who used to be considered in opposition to us and our values).

So my hunger strike expanded to include (in my mind) the vulnerable and screwed in this country…..and ever in my mind also our willingness to stand by as Ukraine (and its fearless leader) is ground into the dust. And yet the people of the Ukraine continue to fight. They will not give up…even in the face of such horrors.

And I will continue to fight for those being abandoned….both in our country….and in the face of what appear to be increasing anti-democratic shifts in our world.

Day 6 – Wednesday March 5

Today was first day I really considered giving up. Not so much because I wanted to end the hunger strike…nor because i was hungry (I was) but because i increasingly felt the weight of hopelessness and futility upon myself. I strongly felt: ‘what’s the point?’ ‘it’s all going to shit anyway and nobody gives a f*** I felt this especially after listening to Trumps horrific speech to the Nation–which I shall not honor by giving any more space here. But it did leave me feeling hopeless: like too many people are going along with this evil mindset which cares not a whit for others while empowering those who already have too much.

But then it hit me: how often we can find ourselves cowed and disempowered by the behaviour of others. How often we allow ourselves to be influenced or cowed by the actions of others–or silenced. I find myself often so shocked by the malevolence of many who call themselves republicans—who have no empathy or concern for the difficult circumstances in which others find themselves; who attribute all the gains they’ve taken to their own actions while blaming the less fortunate for their circumstances– even as we can see in this country how unfairly the deck is stacked against those who’ve not been given the same opportunities.

And I realized: no matter how down I feel….how at times I feel like giving up…I CANNOT LET THE ACTIONS OF THOSE IN POWER CHANGE WHO I AM.

I lost so much in past couple of years: I experienced an unidentified brain injury. I just thought i was losing my mind, not having tied together the fall i took in the subway with he changes that were happening in how i was functioning (i simply thought recent losses were making me lose my mind). Because of this–and because I couldn’t right my behaviour as i didn’t know what was wrong–I lost first my apartment (everything I’d worked for my entire life….everything that mattered to me–with my landlord taking everything i had owned and worked for in retaliation for my no longer having been able to manage things) then most of the people in my life (once I could no longer be the cheerleader….the financial support and once I no longer had STUFF to give folks and make THEIR lives better…they jumped ship and/or let me know where the bleep i could go.

This has left me–HAD left me–wishing to utterly give up.

BUT slowly…it has left me looking anew at what is happening. I have always had sympathy for others….while castigating myself. Ive been working to take in everything around me….both what has happened to me….and what is happening on a macro level.

It made me look at what our govt allows–if not directly does–to the most vulnerable among us–both in this country and in the wider world.

we have increasingly been going after the most vulnerable in our country and our world (see above); cutting benefits for the poor and the vulnerable of all ages. Justifying this behaviour by such ridiculous tropes. Committing what Paul Krugman once called “DOOH NIBOR economics” (Robin Hood in reverse).

And we are doing this on a world wide scale: siding with Russia–one whose values we used to question–against Ukraine, an ally and one besieged by one whose tactics we once abhorred. Taking the side of bullies and those attempting to break their ‘rivals’ while abandoning our allies and those who stood with us during difficult times.

And thus the title of this blog was born…as I reaffirmed where I stand (following so much loss)–and what / who I stand for:
DUMP TRUMP VALUES

DAY 7 (Thursday March 6) Ending week one

Ending week one

For first time today really…REALLY sitting with the feelings of hunger…which are becoming more extreme and widening into my consciousness. For many days I have been just pushing them aside–as I did as a kid when horrible things happened. I’d go to a different place in my head and just….keep on (in the field we call that ‘dissociation’). And i didn’t really take in how much I was pushing this all away from consciousness until today.

I. AM. HUNGRY. really hungry

a hunger which increasingly moves to the center of consciousness and pushes out much other thinking…constructive energy and focus.

And I wonder: How do kids go to school…and adults to work….when unable to gain food or eat on a consistent basis??? I’m on my seventh day and I can’t focus. I have little ability to concentrate…and all I want to do is sit somewhere quietly and vegetate. AND ITS ONLY BEEN SEVEN DAYS.

DAY 8 Friday March 7, 2025

Continuing following one slip and related sense of futility was going to just STOP. give up. but then realized if everyone gave up after a small setback….nothing would get done. I would use my slip to recommit to the project. to recommit to action and use this as a spur to ongoing action.

and so i continue.

As this action continues I have small bursts of hunger and unease but longer periods of quietude focus and determination. I want to continue on for all those who are being screwed by a system that continuously invests in the already well off while abandoning the hardest working and MOST IN NEED of what we could offer. That keeps heaping its resources on the already well off while kicking into the dirt and screwing those who are having to work harder and harder just to stay in place.

I wish i had had the money to take this action to DC and sit on the Capitol Steps do engage in hunger action RIGHT IN FRONT OF THOSE TAKING THE MONEY away from those who most need….but I could not put that together….as well as struggling w head injury to just keep up daily functioning (as so many in this country know…those with out resources and/or disabled…trying to get by with less and less while the wealth of the country is heaped upon the already-well-off.

So I undertake this action. Hoping it is better than nothing at all. and that somewhere soon I can put this out there and make a difference.

(had a small bite of a protein bar)   X-;

Day 9   Saturday March 8 2025

I had forgotten the NORMALCY of the ups-and-downs of fasting–how one needs to ride the ups and downs to get to the other side

Day 10   Sunday March 9 2025

thinking about connecting w/ a couple of political reps….activists and req recommendations etc. Esp Rep Al Green and Rep DeLauro. Send them some documentation and req input/feedback

Struggling w/ giving up….esp following a small slip related to despair (‘what’s the point? what difference does any of it make? who cares?’

working to recommit to this…put the word out in case it matters to anyone. My attempt to take a stance and fight in the way(s) i can given current financial and physical limitations.

Day 11 (Monday March 10 2025)

Regrouping. Thinking about V Zelenskyy and his countrymen

ifff they can keep fighting….keep struggling when their country is being attacked and forces working to destroy them.

ifff those in this country can keep fighting vs all the crap thrown at them…..

Day 12 (Tuesday March 11 2025)

taking stock….transcribing this record

making plans for future…working to continue forward with action

fight vs sense of hopelessness…futility and despair (and self-anger at not being ‘perfect’ in managing this (slip) and not letting this allow me to give up.